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  "'He _is_ a trouble, Mrs. Lathrop.'" FRONTISPIECE(_Seepage 21._)]

  Susan Clegg And a Man in the House

  BY ANNE WARNER

  Author of "Susan Clegg and her Friend Mrs. Lathrop," "A Woman's Will," "The Rejuvenation of Aunt Mary," "Seeing France with Uncle John," etc.

  _Illustrated from Drawings by_ ALICE BARBER STEPHENS

  Boston Little, Brown, and Company 1907

  _Copyright, 1906_,By Katharine N. Birdsall

  _Copyright, 1907_,By The Butterick Company, Ltd.

  _Copyright, 1907_,By Little, Brown, and Company

  _All rights reserved_

  Published October, 1907

  GRIFFITH-STILLINGS PRESS, BOSTON, MASS., U.S.A.

  CONTENTS

  CHAPTER PAGE

  I. Man's Proposal 1

  II. Elijah Doxey and His Locked Box 20

  III. The First Issue of the Newspaper 32

  IV. Settling down after the Honeymoon 43

  V. Susan Clegg's Full Day 64

  VI. The Editor's Advice Column 85

  VII. Mrs. Macy and the Convention 98

  VIII. The Biennial 113

  IX. The Far Eastern Tropics 128

  X. The Evils of Delayed Decease 142

  XI. The Democratic Party 156

  XII. The Trials of Mrs. Macy 168

  XIII. Monotony of Ministerial Monologues 200

  XIV. Advisability of Newspaper Exposures 212

  XV. The Trial of a Sick Man in theHouse 223

  XVI. The Beginning of the End 235

  XVII. An Old-fashioned Fourth 251

  XVIII. Celebrating Independence Day 261

  XIX. Exit the Man out of Susan Clegg'sHouse 273

  LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS

  "'He _is_ a trouble, Mrs. Lathrop.'" _Frontispiece_

  PAGE

  "'A lady come up, looked at my flag,an' asked me if I was a delegateor an alternative'" 119

  "'Mrs. Macy was just about plumparalyzed at _that_'" 179

  "'The bottom come out an' the duckflew down the car'" 188

  Susan Clegg And a Man in the House

  CHAPTER I

  MAN'S PROPOSAL

  Susan Clegg had dwelt alone ever since her father's death. She had notbeen unhappy in dwelling alone, although she had been a good daughter aslong as she had a parent to live with. When the parent departed, andindeed some few days before his going, there had arisen a kind of aquestion as to the possibility of a life-companion for the daughter whomust inevitably be left orphaned and lonely before long. The questionhad arisen in a way highly characteristic of Miss Clegg and had beendisposed of in the same manner.[A] The fact is that Miss Clegg hadherself proposed to four men and been refused four times. Then herfather had died, and, upon the discovery that he was better endowed withworldly wealth than folks had generally supposed, all four had hastenedto bring a return suit at once. But Miss Clegg had also had her mindaltered by the new discovery and refused them all. From that time tothis period of which I am about to write there had never been anyfurther question in her mind as to the non-advisability of having a manin the house.

  [A] See "Susan Clegg and her Friend Mrs. Lathrop."

  "As far as I can see," she said confidentially to her friend, Mrs.Lathrop, who lived next door, "men are not what they are cracked up tobe. There ain't but one woman as looks happy in this whole community andthat's Mrs. Sperrit, an' she looks so happy that at first glance shelooks full as much like a fool as anythin'. The minister's wife don'tlook happy,--she looks a deal more like somethin' a cat finds an' lugshome for you to brush up,--an' goodness knows Mrs. Fisher don't lookhappy an' she ain't happy neither, for she told me herself yesterday assince Mr. Fisher had got this new idea of developin' his chest withJapanese Jimmy Jig-songs, an' takin' a cold plunge in the slop jar everymornin', that life hadn't been worth livin' for the wall paper in herroom. She ain't got no sympathy with chest developin' an' Japanesejiggin' an' she says only to think how proud she was to marry the prizeboy at school an' look at what's come of it. She asked me if I hearabout his goin' to town the other day an' buyin' a book on how to makeyour hair grow by pullin' it out as fast as it comes in, an' thengettin' on the train, an' gettin' to readin' on to how to make youreyebrows grow by pullin' them out, too, an' not noticin' that they'dunhooked his car an' left it behind, until it got too dark to read anyfurther--"

  "Why, what--" cried Mrs. Lathrop, who was the best of listeners, andnever interjectional except under the highest possible pressure ofcuriosity.

  "There was n't nothin' for him to do except to put his thumb in at theplace where the eyebrows was, an' get down out of the car, an' then shetold me, would you believe that with her an' John Bunyan in their secondhour of chasin' around like a pair of crazy cockroaches because he wasn't on the city train when he said he'd come, he very calmly went up toa hotel an' took a room for the night? An' she says that ain't the worstof it whatever you may think, for he was so interested in the book thathe wanted to keep right on readin', an' as the light was too high an' hehad n't no way to lower it, he just highered himself by puttin' arockin'-chair (yes, Mrs. Lathrop, a rockin'-chair!) on the center table,an' there he sit rockin' an' readin' until he felt to go to bed. Shesays, would n't that drive a good wife right out beside her own mind? Tothink of a man like Mr. Fisher rockin' away all night on top of a tablean' never even gettin' a scare. Why, she says you know an' I know thatif he'd been the husband of a poor widow or the only father of adeserving family, of course he'd have rocked off an' goodness knowswhat, but bein' as he was _her_ husband with a nice life insurance an'John Bunyan wild to go to college, he needs must strike the one rockerin the world as is hung true, an' land safe an' sound in her sorrowin'arms the next mornin'! Oh my, but she says, the shock she got! They wasso sure that somethin' had happened to him that she an' John had planneda little picnic trip to the city to leave word with the police first an'visit the Zooelogical Gardens after. Well, she says, maybe you can judgeof their feelin's when they was waitin' all smiles an' sunshine fortheir train, with a nice lunch done up under John's arm, an' he got downfrom the other train without no preparation a _tall_. She said she doneall she could under the circumstances, for she burst out cryin' in spiteof herself, an' cryin' is somethin' as always fits in handy anywhere,an' then she says they had nothin' in the wide world to do but to gohome an' explain away the hard-boiled eggs for dinner the best theycould. She says she hopes the Lord'll forgive her for He knows betterthan she ever will what she ever done to have Mr. Fisher awarded to heras her just and lawful punishment these last five and twenty years; an',she says, will you only think how awful easy, as long as he got on thetable of his own free will an' without her even puttin' him up to it, itwould have been for him to of rocked off an' goodness knows what. Shesays she is a Christian, an' she don't wish even her husband any illwind, but she did frighten me, Mrs. Lathrop, an' I wanted to speak outfrank an' open to you about it because a man in the house _is_ a man inthe house, an' I want to take men into
very careful consideration beforeI go a step further towards lettin one have the right to darken my doorswhenever he comes home to bed an' board--"

  Mrs. Lathrop quite jumped in her chair at this startling finale to herneighbor's talk and her little black eyes gleamed brightly.

  "Bed and bo--" she cried.

  "He'll have father's room, if I take him, of course," said Susan, "but Iain't sure yet that I'll take him. You know all I stood with father,Mrs. Lathrop, an' I don't really know as I can stand any more sadmemories connected with that room. You know how it was with Jathropyourself, too, an' how happy and peaceful life has been since he litout, an' I ain't sure that--My heavens alive! I forgot to tell you thatMr. Dill thought he saw Jathrop in the city when he was up thereyesterday!"

  "Saw Ja--" screamed Mrs. Lathrop. Jathrop was her son who had fled fromthe town some years before, his departure being marked by peculiarlyharrowing circumstances, and of whom or from whom she had never heardone word since.

  "Mr. Dill was n't sure," said Susan; "he said the more he thought aboutit the more sure he was that he was n 't sure a _tall_. He saw the manin a seed-office where he went to buy some seed, an' he said if it _was_Jathrop he's took another name because another name was on the officedoor. He said what made him think as it was Jathrop was he jumped sowhen he see Mr. Dill. Mr. Dill said he was helpin' himself out of a boxof cigars an' his own idea was as he jumped because they was n't hiscigars. Jathrop give Mr. Dill one cigar an' when he thanked him he said,'Don't mention it,' an' to my order of thinkin' that proves as they wasn't his cigars, for if they was his cigars why under heaven should hehave minded Mr. Dill's mentionin' it? Mr. Dill said another reason asmade him think as it was Jathrop was as he never asked about you,--butthen if he was n't Jathrop he naturally would n't have asked about youeither. Mr. Dill said he was n't sure, Mr. Dill said he was n't a bitsure, Mr. Dill said it was really all a mystery to him, but two thingshe _could_ swear to, an' one of those was as this man is a full headtaller than Jathrop an' the other was as he's a Swede, so I guess it'spretty safe not to be him."

  Mrs. Lathrop collapsed limply. Susan went on with her tale as calmly asever.

  "You see, Mrs. Lathrop, it's like this. I told Mr. Kimball I'd think itover an' consult you before I give him any answer a _tall_. I could seehe did n't want to give me time to think it over or to consult you forfear I'd change my mind, but when you ain't made up your mind, changin'it is easy, an' I never was one to hurry myself an' I won't begin now.Hurryin' leads to swallowin' fish-bones an' tearin' yourself on nailsan' a many other things as makes me mad, an' I won't hurry now an' Iwon't hurry never. I shall take my own time, an' take my own time abouttakin' it, too, an' Mr. Kimball nor no other man need n't think he canask me things as is more likely to change my whole life than not tochange it, an' suppose I'm goin' to answer him like it was n't nogreater matter than a sparrow hoppin' his tail around on a fence. Iain't no sparrow nor no spring chicken neither an' I don't intend todecide my affairs jumpin' about in a hurry, no, not even if you wasadvisin' me the same as Mr. Kimball, Mrs. Lathrop, an' you know how muchI think of your advice even if you have yet to give me the first pieceas I can see my way to usin', for I will say this for your advice, Mrs.Lathrop, an' that is that advice as is easier left untook than yours is,never yet was given."

  Mrs. Lathrop opened her mouth in a feeble attempt to rally her forces,but long before they were rallied Susan was off again:

  "I don't know, I'm sure, whether what I said to Mr. Kimball in the endwas wise or not. I did n't say right out as I would, but I said I wouldmaybe for a little while. I thought a little while would give me theinside track of what a long while would be pretty sure to mean. I don'tknow as it was a good thing to do but it's done now, so help me Heaven;an' if I can't stand him I always stand by my word, so he'll get threemonths' board anyhow an' I'll learn a little of what it would mean tohave a man in the house."

  "A man in--" cried Mrs. Lathrop, recovering herself sufficiently toillustrate her mental attitude by what in her case always answered thepurposes of a start.

  "That's what I said," said Susan, "an' havin' said it Mr. Kimball canrely on Elijah Doxey's bein' sure to get it now."

  "Eli--" cried Mrs. Lathrop, again upheaved.

  "Elijah Doxey," repeated Susan. "That's his name. I ain't surprised overyour bein' surprised, Mrs. Lathrop, 'cause I was all dumb did up myselfat first. I never was more dumb or more did up since I was a baby, butafter the way as Mr. Kimball sprung shock after shock on me last night Igot so paralyzed in the end that his name cut very little figger besideour havin' a newspaper of our own, right here in our midst, an' mehavin' the editor to board an' him bein' Mr. Kimball's nephew, an' Mr.Kimball havin' a nephew as was a editor, an' Mr. Kimball's never havin'seen fit to mention the fact to any of us in all these many years aswe've been friends on an' off an' us always buyin' from him whenever wewas n't more friends with Mr. Dill."

  "I nev--" said Mrs. Lathrop.

  "No, nor no one else ever heard of him neither. The first of it all waswhen he came up last night to see would I board him, an' of course whenI understood as it was me as was goin' to have to take him in I neverrested till I knowed hide an' hair of who I was to take in down to thelast button on Job's coat."

  "And wh--" asked Mrs. Lathrop.

  "Well, I'll tell you all I found out myself; an' I tell you I workedhard findin' it out too, for Mr. Kimball is no windmill to pump when itcomes to where he gets relations from. Seems, Mrs. Lathrop, as he had asister though as married a Doxey an' that's the why of Elijah Doxey.Seems Elijah is so smart that he'll be offered a place on one of thebiggest city papers in a little while, but in the mean time he's justlost the place that he did have on one of the smallest ones an', as aconsequence, his mother thought he'd better spend this summer in thecountry an' so sent him up to Mr. Kimball. Mr. Kimball said he reallydid n't sense all it meant at first when Elijah arrived at noonyesterday but he said he had n't talked with him long afore he see asthis was our big chance 'cause the paper as Elijah was on paid him offwith a old printin' press, an' Mr. Kimball says, if we back him up, wecan begin right now to have a paper of our own an' easy get to be whatthey call a 'state issue.' It's easy seen as Mr. Kimball is all ready tobe a state issue; he says the printin' press is a four horse-power an'he's sure as he can arrange for Hiram Mullins to work the wringer theday he goes to press. Mr. Kimball says he's positive that Hiram 'llregard it as nothin' but child's play to wring off his grocery bill thatway. I don't know what Gran'ma Mullins will say to that--or Lucy eitherfor that matter--but Mr. Kimball's so sure that he knows best that I seeit was n't no time to pull Gran'ma Mullins an' Lucy in by the ears. Mr.Kimball says he's been turnin' it over in his mind's eye ever sinceyesterday when he first see Elijah. He says Elijah is just mad withideas an' says he 's willin' to make us known far an' wide if we'll onlygive him a chance. Mr. Kimball says we all ought to feel ready to admitthat it's time we was more than a quarter of a column a week in the_Meadville Mixture_. He says the _Meadville Mixture_ ain't never beenfair to us an' Judge Fitch says it ain't got right views as to itsforeign policy. Mr. Kimball says that after Elijah went back to townyesterday afternoon he went up to Judge Fitch's office an' Judge Fitchsaid if we had a paper of our own he'd be more than willin' to write aeditorial occasionally himself, a editorial as would open thepresident's eyes to the true hiddenness of things, an' set the Germanemperor to thinkin', an' give the czar some insight into what Americaknows about _him_.

  "Mr. Kimball says this is the day of consolidation an' if we had a paperthe Cherry Ponders an' all the Clightville people'd naturally join inan' take it too. He says he's figured that if he can start out with ahundred paid-up subscribers of a dollar each he can make a go of it. Hesays Elijah says set him up the press an' _he_ don't ask no better funthan to live on bread an' water while he jumps from peak to peak offame, but Mr. Kimball says Elijah's young an' limber an' he shall wantthe paid-up subscriptions himself afore he begins to transport aprintin' press around the
country.

  "I told him he could count on you an' me takin' one between us before Iknowed what was really the main object of his visit, an' then when hecome out with what _was_ the main object of his visit, an' when I sensedwhat he was after I must say I considered as he should have made thathis first word an' give me my paper for nothin',--seein' as the whole ofthe thing is got to rest right on me, for I don't know what _is_ thebottom of a newspaper if it ain't the woman as boards the editor. Yes,Mrs. Lathrop, that's my view in a nutshell, the more so as Mr. Kimballopenly says as Elijah Doxey says he's a genius an' can't live in anyhouse where there's other folks or any noise but his own. Mr. Kimballsaid it seemed as if a good angel had made me for the town to turn to inits bitter need an' that it was on me as the new newspaper would have tobuild its reputation in its first sore strait; an' he said too as hewould in confidence remark as my influence on Elijah's ideas would bewhat he should be really lookin' to to make the paper a success, for hesays as Elijah is very young an' will be wax in my hands an' I can moldhim an' public opinion right along together. He said he really did n'tlook for him to be any great trouble to feed because he'd be out pickin'up items most of the time, an' then too, he says he can always give hima handful of his new brand of dried apples as is advertised to be mostpuffin' an' fillin'; why, do you know, Mrs. Lathrop, he told me as he'ddeveloped the process now to where if you eat two small pieces you feellike you never wanted another Thanksgivin' dinner as long as you live."

  "And so--" asked Mrs. Lathrop eagerly, Susan pausing an instant forbreath just here.

  "Well, in the end I said I would, for three months. I don't know as Iwas wise, but I thought it was maybe my duty for three months. I'm tiredof seein' the Clightville folks called 'Glimpses' an' us called 'Dabs'in that _Meadville Mixture_, an' last week you remember how they speltit wrong an' called us 'Dubs,' which is far from my idea of politeness.It was being mad over that as much as anythin' that made me up an' tellMr. Kimball as I'd take Elijah an' take care of him an' look to do whatI could to make the paper a success for three months. I told him as itwas trustin' in the dark, for Elijah was a unknown quantity to me an' Inever did like the idea of a man around my nice, clean house, but I saidif he'd name the Meadville items the 'Mud Spatters' an' so get even forour feelin's last week I'd do my part by feedin' him an' makin' up hisbed mornin's. Mr. Kimball said I showed as my heart an' my brains wasboth in the right place, an' then he got up an' shook hands an' told meas he would in confidence remark as he expected to make a very goodthing all round for he was gettin' the printin' press awful cheap andElijah likewise."

  "When--?" asked Mrs. Lathrop.

  "Next Wednesday. Elijah's comin' up freight with the printin' press.Mr. Kimball says he suggested that himself. He says it cuts two birdswith one knife for it makes it look as if the printin' press was extrafine instead of second-hand, an' it gets Elijah here for nothin'."

  "Dear--" said Mrs. Lathrop.

  "I would, too," said Miss Clegg, "only you see I have n't got time. Iought not to be here now. I ought to be over gettin' his room ready an'takin' out the little comforts. As far as my order of thinkin' goes,little comforts is lost on men, Mrs. Lathrop, they always trip over theman' smash them in the dark."