Susan Clegg and a Man in the House Read online

  CHAPTER V

  SUSAN CLEGG'S FULL DAY

  "Well," said Miss Clegg, with strong emphasis, as she mounted Mrs.Lathrop's steps, "I don't know, I'm sure, what I've come over here forthis night, for I never felt more like goin' right straight off to bedin all my life before." Then she sat down on the top step and sighedheavily.

  "It's been a full day," she went on presently; "an' I can't deny as Iwas nothin' but glad to remember as Elijah was n't comin' home tosupper, for as a consequence I sha'n't have it to get. A woman as hashad a day like mine to-day don't want no supper anyhow, an' it stands toreason as if I don't feel lively in the first place, I ain't goin' to bemade any more so by comin' to see you, for I will remark, Mrs. Lathrop,that seein' you always makes me wonder more'n ever why I come to see youso often when I might just as well stay home an' go to bed. If I was inmy bed this blessed minute I'd be very comfortable, which I'm very farfrom bein' here with this mosquito aimin' just over my slap each time;an' then, too, I'd be alone, an' no matter how hard I may try to makemyself look upon bein' with you as the same thing as bein' alone, it isn't the same thing an' you can't in conscience deny _that_, no matterhow hard you may sit without movin'."

  Mrs. Lathrop made no reply to this frank comment on her liveliness, andafter a short pause, Miss Clegg sighed heavily a second time, andcontinued:

  "It's been a full day, a awful full day. In the first place the roosterwas woke by accident last night an' he up an' woke me. He must of wokeme about three o'clock as near as I can figure it out now, but Isupposed when I was woke as of course it was five so I got right up an'went in an' woke Elijah. Elijah told me last week as he did n't believehe'd ever seen the sun rise an' I was just enough out of sorts to thinkas to-day would be a good time for him to begin to turn over a new leafas far as the sunrise was concerned. I must say he was n't very spryabout the leaf, for all he did was to turn himself over at first, but Iopened his window an' banged the blinds three or four times an' in theend he got woke up without really knowin' just what had woke him. We hadbreakfast with a candle, an' then Elijah was so tired lookin' out forthe sunrise that he looked in at his watch an' see as it was onlyquarter to four then. He was real put out at that at first 'cause hewrote till half past two last night, an' in the end he went back to bedan' it certainly was a relief to see the last of him, for I may inconfidence remark as I never see him look quite so stupid afore. Afterhe was gone back to bed I washed up the breakfast dishes an' then Iwent out in the wood shed in the dark an' there I got another surprise,for I thought I'd look over the rags I was savin' for the next rag rugan' when I poured 'em out in my lap, what do you think, Mrs. Lathrop,what _do_ you think poured out along with 'em?--Why, a nest of youngmice an' two old ones!

  "Well, Mrs. Lathrop, you can maybe imagine my feelin's at four in themornin' with Elijah gone back to bed an' my own lap full of mice, butwhatever I yelled did n't disturb him any an' I just made two jumps forthe lamp in the kitchen, leavin' the mice wherever they hit to rearrangetheir family to suit themselves. Well, the second jump must needs landme right square on top of the cistern lid, an' it up an' went in, takin'my left leg along with it as far as it would go. Well, Mrs. Lathrop,talk of girls as can open an' shut, like scissors, in a circus--I wasscissored to that degree that for a little I could n't think whichwould be wisest, to try an' get myself together again in the kitchen orto just give up altogether in the cistern. In the end I hauled the legas had gone in out again, an' then I see where all the trouble comefrom, for the cistern lid was caught to my garter an' what I'd thoughtwas a real injury was only it swingin' around an' around my leg. I putthe lid back on the cistern an' felt to sit with my legs crossed forquite a while, thinkin' pleasant thoughts of the rooster as woke me, an'by that time it was half past four, an' I could hear all the otherchickens stirrin' so I got up an' began to stir again myself. I openedthe front door an' looked out an' that did n't bring me no good luckeither, for as I looked out a bat flew in an' just as the bat flew in hemanaged to hook himself right in my hair. Well, Mrs. Lathrop, I tell youI _was_ mad then. I don't know as I ever was madder than I was then. Iwas so mad that I can't tell you how mad I was. The bat held on bydiggin' in like he thought I wanted to get him off, an' I pulled at himso hard that I can't in conscience be surprised much over his takin'that view of it. Well, in the end I had to take all my hairpins outfirst an' then sort of skin him out of my hair lengthways, which,whatever you may think about it, Mrs. Lathrop, is far from bein' funnyalong afore dawn on a day as you 've begun at three thinkin' as it wasfive."

  "Susan!" ejaculated Mrs. Lathrop; "don't--"

  "No, I'll have some when I get home. I like mine better than yoursanyway. Now you've made me forget where I was in my story."

  "You--" said Mrs. Lathrop.

  "Oh yes, I remember now. Well, I was too put out at first to notice whatthe bat did after I got him out o' my head, but when I went upstairs Ifound him circlin' everywhere in a way as took every bit of home feelin'out of the house an' I just saw that I'd have no peace till I could bealone with Elijah again. So I got up an' got a broom an' went a battin'for all I was worth. Well, Mrs. Lathrop, you can believe me or not justas you please, but for one solid hour I run freely an' gayly up an' downan' over an' under my own house after that bat. I never see nothin' likethat bat before or behind. He just sort of sailed here an' there an'everywhere, an' wherever he sailed smoothly an' easily there was merunnin' after him with the broom, whackin' at him every chance I got. Wewas upstairs, we was downstairs, we was in the wood shed an' out of thewood shed, we was under the kitchen table, we was over father's pictureon the mantel--we was everywhere, me an' that bat. Then all of a suddenhe disappeared completely an' I sit down in the rockin'-chair to puffan' rest. Elijah slept till most eight an' I was so tired I let himsleep although I never was one to approve of any man's sleepin', butbefore he woke something worse than a bat come down on me, an' that wasMrs. Sweet's cousin, Jerusha Dodd. You know Jerusha Dodd, Mrs. Lathrop,an' so do I, an' so does everybody an' as far as my observation 'sextended bats is wise men bringin' their gifts from afar to visit youcompared to Jerusha Dodd when she arrives in the early mornin'. I wouldn't never have gone to the door only she stepped up on the drain-pipefirst an' looked in an' saw me there in the rockin'-chair afore sheknocked. I tell you I was good an' mad when I see her an' see as she seeme an' I made no bones of it when I opened the door. I says to her frankan' open--I says, 'Good gracious, Jerusha, I hope you ain't lookin' tosee me pleased at seein' as it's you.' But laws, you could n't smashJerusha Dodd not if you was a elephant an' she was his sat-down-uponfly, so I had her sittin' in the kitchen an' sighin' in less'n no time.She was full of her woes an' the country's woes as usual. Congress wasgoin' to ruin us next year sure, an' she had a hole in her back fenceanyway; she did n't approve of Mr. Rockefeller's prices on oil, an'there was a skunk in her cellar, an' she said she could n't seem tolearn to enjoy livin' the simple life as she'd had to live it since herfather died, a _tall_. She said that accordin' to her views life forsingle women nowadays was too simple an' she said she really only lackedbein' buried to be dead. She says as all a simple life is, is havin' norights except them as your neighbors don't want. She says for her partshe's been more took into the heart of creation than she's ever caredabout. I do hate to have to listen to the way she goes on an' no one cansay as I ever was one to encourage her in them views. I don't think it'sright to encourage no one in their own views 'cause their views is nevermine an' mine is always the right ones. This mornin' I stood it as longas I could from Jerusha an' then I just let out at her an' I says toher, I says, 'Jerusha Dodd, you really are a fool an' Heaven help themas ever makes more of a fool of you, by tellin' you as you ain't.' Youknow Jerusha Dodd, Mrs. Lathrop; she began to cry hard an' rock harderright off, said she knowed she was a fool, but it was nature's fault an'not hers for she was born so an' could n't seem to get the better of it.I told her my view of the matter would be for her to stay home an' patchup that hole in her fence an' pull up some o'
that choice garden full ofweeds as she's growin', an' brush the dust off the crown of her bonnet,an' do a few other of them wholesome little trifles as is a good dealnearer the most of us than Mr. Rockefeller] an' what congress in itsinfinite wisdom is goin' to see fit to deal out in the daily papers nextyear.

  "But she only kept on cryin' an' rockin' an' finally I got so tiredlistenin' to her creak an' sob that I went out an' had a real brightidea. I got the little sink scratcher an' tied a wet piece of rag tothe handle an' went around behind her an' hung it suddenly in her backhair. She put up her hand an' felt it, an' give a yell that woke Elijah.You know how Jerusha Dodd acts when she's upset! She spun around so thesink scratcher fell right out but she did n't have sense enough left inher to know it. She yelled, 'What was it? what was it?' an' I yelled,'It was a bat, it was a bat;' an' at that I see the last of JerushaDodd, for she was out of my kitchen an' out of my sight afore Elijahcould get to the top of the stairs to begin yellin', 'What was it? whatwas it?' on his own hook. I had to tell him all about it then an' hewanted it for a item right off. He said he'd have a dash for Jerusha an'a star for me, an' the idea took him like most of his ideas do, an' helaughed till he coughed the coffee as I'd saved for him all the wrongway, an' dropped a soft boiled egg as I'd boiled for him into the waterpitcher, an', oh my, I thought misfortunes never would come to a end oreven to a turnin'. But after he'd fished out the egg an' eat it, he wentoff down to his uncle's an' he was n't more'n gone when in come Mrs.Sweet to see if Jerusha left her breastpin, 'cause in her quickbreathin' it had fallen somewhere an' Jerusha was havin' hysterics overlosin' that now. While I was talkin' to Mrs. Sweet at the gate I smeltsomethin' burnin' an' there my whole bakin' of bread was burnt up in theoven owin' to Jerusha Dodd's breathin' her breastpin out over a bat. Ifelt to be some tempered then, an' Mrs. Sweet saw it an' turned aroundan' left me, an' after she was gone I went into the house an' pulleddown the shades an' locked the door an' went to sleep. I slept tillElijah come home to dinner an' of course there was n't no dinner readyan' that put Elijah out. Elijah's got a good deal of a temper, I find,an' the only thing in the world to do with a man in a temper, when he isin a temper, is to make him so mad that he goes right off in a huff an'leaves you to peace again. So I just made one or two remarks about myopinion of things as he feels very strong about, an' he said he guessedhe'd get supper down town an' sleep at the store to-night. So he tookhimself off an' he was hardly out of the way when Mrs. Macy come to tellme about Judy Lupey's divorce."

  "Is--" cried Mrs. Lathrop.

  "Not yet, but she soon will be," said Miss Clegg. "Mrs. Macy's just backfrom Meadville an' she says all Meadville is churned up over it. Theyain't never had a divorce there afore, an' every one is so interested toknow just how to do it, an' I will say this much for Mrs. Macy, an' thatis that she was nothin' but glad to tell me all about it. Seems as theLupeys is most awful upset over it though an' Mrs. Kitts says she ain'tsure as she won't change her will sooner than leave money to a womanwith two husbands."

  "Two--" cried Mrs. Lathrop.

  "Mrs. Macy says," continued Susan, "as Mrs. Lupey ain't much betterpleased than Mrs. Kitts over it all, an', although she did n't say it inso many words, she hinted pretty plain as it seemed hard as the only oneof the girls to get married should be the same one as is gettin'divorced. Mrs. Macy said she see her point of view, but to her order ofthinkin' the world don't begin to be where old maids need considerdivorces yet awhile. She says she stayed in the house with 'em all threedays an' she says she cheered Mrs. Lupey all she could; she says shetold her to her best ear as no one but a mother would ever have dreamedof dreamin' of Faith or Maria's ever marryin' under any circumstances.She said Mrs. Lupey said it was the quickness of Judy's gettin' tired ofMr. Drake as had frightened her most. Why, she says as before the firstbaby was through teethin' in her day, Judy was all up an' through an'completely done with Mr. Drake. All done with him an' home again, an'the family not even countin' to consider.

  "Mrs. Macy says as she's learned a awful lot about divorce as she didn't know before. She said she could n't help being surprised over howmuch a divorce is like a marriage, for Busby Bell was there every nightan' Judy an' the whole family is hard at work gettin' her clothes ready.But Mrs. Macy says them as suppose the real gettin' of the divorceitself is simple had ought to go an' stay at the Lupeys awhile. Why, shesays the way the Lupeys is complicated an' tied up by Judy an' Mr. Drakeis somethin' beyond all belief. To begin with, Judy decided to bedeserted because she thought it'd really be the simplest an' easiest inthe end an' she hated to bother with bein' black an' blue for witnessesan' all that kind of business. But it seems being deserted, when youlive in the same town with a husband who rides a bicycle an' don't carewhere he meets you, is just enough to drive a woman nigh to madnessitself. Why, Mrs. Macy says that Judy Lupey actually can't go out towalk a _tall_, not 'nless Faith walk a block ahead of her an' Maria ablock behind, an' even then Mr. Drake's liable to come coastin' down on'em any minute. She says it's awful tryin', an' Judy gets so mad over itall that it just seems as if they could _not_ stand it.

  "But that ain't the only trouble neither, Mrs. Macy says. Seems Judy gotSolomon Drake for her lawyer 'cause he knowed the whole story, througheatin' dinner at the Drakes every Sunday while they was stayin' married.She thought havin' Solomon Drake would save such a lot of explainin''cause Mr. Drake is so hard to explain to any one as has just seen himridin' his bicycle an' not really been his wife. Well, seems as Judynever calculated on Solomon's keepin' right on takin' Sunday dinner withMr. Drake, after he became her lawyer, but he does, an' none of theLupeys think it looks well, an' Judy finds it most tryin' because allshe an' Solomon talk over about the divorce he tells Mr. Drake on Sundayout of gratitude for his dinner an' because it's a subject as seems toreally interest Mr. Drake. Seems Mr. Drake is a hard man to interest.Judy says he was yawnin' afore they got to the station on theirhoneymoon.

  "But Mrs. Macy says that ain't all, neither, whatever you may think, forshe says what do you think of Mr. Drake's goin' an' gettin' Busby Bellof all the men in Meadville for _his_ lawyer, when the whole town knowsas it's Busby as Judy's goin' to marry next. Mrs. Lupey says as Judywould have took Busby for her own lawyer only they was so afraid ofhurtin' each other's reputations, an' now really it's terrible, 'causeBusby says as he don't well see what's to be done about theirreputations if the worst comes to the worst, for he's explained as verylikely Judy's goin' to need one more man than a husband to get her herdivorce. Mrs. Macy says Mrs. Lupey says as Busby said as if he had n'tbeen Mr. Drake's lawyer he'd have been more than ready to be the otherman, but as Mr. Drake's lawyer he can't help Judy no more'n if he wasMr. Drake himself. Mrs. Macy says Mrs. Lupey cried, an' she told her asshe knowed as there was any number of quiet elderly men as any one coulddepend on right here in our own community as'd be nothin' but glad to goover to Meadville an' help anyway they could, but Mrs. Lupey asked Judyabout it, an' Judy asked Busby, an' Busby said men as you could dependon anywhere was n't no use in divorce suits a _tall_. It's quite anotherkind, it seems. Mrs. Macy says she's really very sorry for them all, forit really seems awful to think how the Lupeys need a man an' the onlyman they've got Judy's busy gettin' rid of as hard as she can.

  "Mrs. Macy says it's all most upsettin'. She says she never livedthrough nothin' like it afore. Judy's cross 'cause she can't go out an'meet Busby without runnin' the risk of meetin' Mr. Drake an' losin' allthe time she's put in so far bein' deserted. An' then there's a manythings as a outsider never would know about or even guess at unlessthey've lived right in the house with a real live divorce. Mrs. Macysays as Martha Hack, as does the washin' for 'em all, is foreverforgettin' an' sendin' Judy's wash home with Mr. Drake's just as if theywas still completely married. That would n't be so bad only Mr. Drakewaits for Solomon to get 'em Sunday, an' Solomon's kind-hearted an'gives 'em to Busby so as to give him a excuse to make two calls in oneday. Well, Mrs. Macy says the come out of it all is as when Judy wantsto take a bath just about
all Meadville has to turn out to see whereunder heaven her clean clothes is.

  "I tell you, Mrs. Lathrop, tellin' it all to you does n't matter somuch, but to hear Mrs. Macy tell it makes you wonder if it's worth whileto try an' leave a man as you can't live with. Seems to me it'd beeasier to live with him. Mrs. Macy says as she met Mr. Drake severaltimes herself on his bicycle an' he looked most bloomin'. No one needbe sorry for him, an' not many is sorry for Judy. But Mrs. Macy saysthere's only one person as all Meadville's sorry for, an' that's BusbyBell."

  Mrs. Lathrop started to speak.

  "Yes," Susan went on hurriedly. "Elijah said just that same thing theother day when he was talkin' about the Marlboroughs. He thinks asdivorces is all a mistake, but then you're a widow an' Elijah ain'tmarried so you're both pretty safe in airin' your views."

  Susan rose just here and descended the steps. "I must go," she said, "Idon't seem to take no particular interest in what you might be goin' totell me, Mrs. Lathrop, even if there was any chance of your ever gettin'around to tellin' it, an' I've told you all I know, an' I'm very tiredtalkin'. As I said before, it's been a full day an' I'm pretty well beatout. I forgot to tell you as after Mrs. Macy was gone I found as it wasn't the bread I smelt in the oven--it was the bat. I suppose when I seeMr. Kimball he'll make one of his jokes over bread-dough an' bats an'batter, but I'll be too wore out to care. Did I say as Elijah said he'dsleep at the store to-night?"

  "Will--" cried Mrs. Lathrop, all of a sudden.

  "Why, of course," said Susan, "it did n't hurt either loaf a mite. I'dbe as much of a fool as Jerusha Dodd if I let a little thing like a batspoil a whole bakin' of bread for me, Mrs. Lathrop. As for Elijah, hedid n't know nothin' about it an' I sha'n't tell him, you may be sure,for he's the one as eats all the bread--I never touch it myself, as youwell know."